sweet spot

This afternoon I took the kids for a "walk" to run out some of their energy before bedtime. Kevin was out of town for a conference, so I was solo with the kids and bedtime was beginning to seem really far away with their level of energy. I set them loose and walked behind with Knox. Watching them, I was in awe of how quickly they are growing up. The below pics are them both at 7 months.

When I realize how much they've grown, there's a sense of sadness about it. That's new for me. I'll be honest, up until this point, I've mostly been surviving. I've been wishing they would grow up faster. Don't get me wrong, I love and enjoy my kids, but more often than not I've just been trying to make it through the day. Now, I find days like today (when I'm counting down til bedtime) are more the exception than the rule. I know that there will still be hard days (and seasons), but I finally feel like I've reached a really sweet spot with them where I'm enjoying them SO much. They make me laugh like crazy and I probably give them 20 hugs and kisses a day because I'm just so in awe of how amazing they are. I'm living comfortably in the tension of knowing that they're growing up and wanting to keep them small and then wishing that Knox would grow up a little more. Having a needy baby helps me to appreciate how Anna and Owen are growing up, but having rapidly growing kids helps me to appreciate having a needy baby. Know what I mean? It's been a real gift. 

Mom's with grown children are always quick to tell you, "Enjoy every moment! They grow up so fast!" That's never been super encouraging to me. I know that they mean well. I know that in the blink of an eye my kids will be grown, but right now - in this season - those words just make me feel guilty about NOT enjoying every moment. I mean, really, is it realistic to enjoy every minute?? Should I really enjoy cleaning up the yogurt they used as finger paint? Should I enjoy dragging a crying toddler through a public place mid-tantrum? Should I enjoy potty training? Of course not. But I can embrace those moments for what they are. Training ground. Necessary but hard moments that create a much better story when seen as a whole. It's been my experience that these hard moments are the ones that help me to truly enjoy the really great moments - or even the everyday, small victories. I don't feel a sense of loss over the many days that I've wished away, but I am trying to rest more in the present. I want to enjoy my kids the way they are now, but I don't want to cling to these days so tightly that I don't know what to do with myself when they grow up. These ARE special days. 

Knox - 7 months

Highlights of the past month:

- 20 lbs!

- easily rolls from back to belly, but then gets stuck and gives up on flipping over pretty easily

- eczema is gone!! We got a prescription steroid cream and his skin cleared up after ONE use. He has had a few minor flare ups, but his skin finally feels like a baby's should :) He has incredibly fair skin, which you can finally see now.

- babbling a lot

- blowing raspberries

- wondering if he might have allergies (runny nose, red eyes, etc.)

- sitting up on his own and playing with toys

- passing toys easily from hand to hand

- eating pureed foods. he likes squash, any fruit, and carrots. didn't care for sweet potatoes, avocado, or peas (can't blame ya, kid)

-WAS sleeping from 7:30pm-7:30am, waking once for a feeding at a different time each night and napping comfortably 2 1/2 times a day

UNTIL

-teething 

(+ a cold I think, but it's kind of hard to tell with the symptoms)

I've never had a bad teether before, so this is new for me. Anna and Owen seemed to just sprout teeth. Aside from being drooly, I rarely knew when they were coming in. This guy has been a feverish, fussy, clingy, snotty, drool soaked mess. Enough adjectives for you? He has been refusing to sleep unless I'm holding him, which makes for a tired baby and a very tired mama. After about 3 days of fussing, he finally cut ONE tooth on the bottom yesterday. I'm still waiting for it's partner in crime and praying for some relief before we attempt to travel next week.  

gems from last month

triage

noun

1.

the determination of priorities for action in an emergency.

I've watched enough episodes of Grey's Anatomy and ER in my day to understand the concept of triage - a method of assigning degrees of urgency in a situation. Mothering three small children has given me firsthand experience. At almost any given moment in the day, one of my kids is crying. I learned quickly that the loudest child isn't necessarily the most urgent need. For example, the screaming baby that is safely buckled into the highchair may seem to be top priority. However, the quiet 2 year old precariously climbing furniture in the other room probably warrants more attention. I call these the "silent killers." This is purely hypothetical.....right.

Every day, I'm faced with the overwhelming task of parenting these little people. These wonderful, sweet, demanding, and needy little people. The reality is that I'm one person and I have to make a hundred decisions a day to prioritize their needs. There's no alternative. It's the only way to make it through a day. 

Unfortunately, I don't triage my life in nearly the same way. Too often, my time with the Lord takes a quiet backseat. I don't view it as an emergency until I have a total meltdown day and realize that I'm running on empty. I am confident that God will always be there and I use that knowledge to justify pushing off time with him. This is something that is a very real struggle for me - right now. This isn't something that I struggled with once upon a time and now feel confident sharing because I've overcome it. This is life. Right now. It's the silent killer. The "urgent" demands of the day (cleaning, cooking, social media, etc.) crowd out the important demands of the day. If you haven't heard it yet, Kevin hit on this is a recent message. Great stuff. 

This isn't the first time I've come to this realization and I'm sure it won't be the last. It feels good to put it into words, though and I'm comforted (again) by the words of Paul in Philippians 1:6, "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."