grace upon grace

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.  ²³ They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23


Amen. Today was such a great day, in such stark contrast to yesterday. Thanks, Jesus, for that. Before waking this morning, I was dreaming that I was having a migraine. I've been having a lot lately (migraines, that is) and a few weeks back I was having a similar dream and woke up to a splitting headache. Pretty strange. So, I was afraid to open my eyes this morning. When I finally did, I was frustrated to find that I was indeed having a pre-migraine aura (I'm sorry for you if you know what I'm talking about. google if you don't). The babies weren't up yet, so I closed my eyes and started "casting my anxieties on the Lord". How in the world was I going to manage the kids by myself with Kevin at church all morning while I had a pounding migraine?? I prayed that the Lord would take it away or at the very least make it a manageable headache. 


When Owen started stirring twenty minutes later, I opened my eyes to find that my aura was gone - and my headache never came! If you are a migraine sufferer you will praise the Lord with me all the more - thank you, Jesus!! And it made me realize that even though yesterday (and the rest of the week) was pretty rotten, it would have been a million times worse if I'd had a migraine on any one of those days, but I didn't. It hadn't occurred to me to thank him for that. Perhaps he gave me that false alarm this morning to remind me? I'm listening. Thank you. 


Owen was still within 24 hours of having a fever so he wasn't clear to be in the childcare at church this morning, but Anna really wanted to go play with her friends (and I thought it'd be a good idea for everyone to get out of the house) so I took her in and then took Owen to run a few errands. Is that sketchy? She had one parent in the building, right? I was so incredibly encouraged by the few people that I saw at church on my way in and out who stopped me to tell me that they'd read my post last night. They sincerely wanted to know how I was doing, or to share a similar experience, or to invite me over, or just tell me to keep my chin up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Grace upon grace. 


I felt like the Lord just showered me with love today and filled my cup. It's SO true - Because of his love WE ARE NOT CONSUMED. Today is a new day and I'm thankful for that. 


And because you've probably been missing pics of my little monkeys here's one of Owen now that he's in better spirits. Thanks, Jesus, for that too :)

anxious

It's been a really long week. Kevin had a very meeting heavy week that took him out of the house from 6am to 11pm on two different days. The rest of his week wasn't much better. Usually, I can survive without his evening reprieve if I schedule enough playdates and other events to keep me busy. Unfortunatley, Owen got some kind of bug midweek so I had to cancel most of my outings. He hasn't been sleeping well, which in turn has me exhausted and he's been super fussy, which has really been wearing on my nerves. All of that coupled with not getting out to interact with people has definitely been taking its toll on me. I have this constant feeling of anxiousness. I guess I'd classify myself as fragile....maybe a little crazy. 

Case in point. As I was teetering on the brink of sanity while washing the dishes today, I decided it might be helpful if I just talked to another adult (no offense Anna), so I called Curry. I was so glad she answered the phone and attempted a chipper greeting. Her response, "How are you?"{insert skeptic tone} lead me to believe that I had fallen short. My voice cracked as I answered, "O..kay.." {why did she have to ask such a hard question?} and then I started totally laugh crying. Yes. Open the flood gates. "Can you give me a minute. I just need to cry this out." "Sure, go ahead. haha." That's what friends are for. I am a total lunatic and I am so lucky to have this woman in my life. I digress. 

Last week I listened to a Keller sermon about Psalm 1 called Meditation. In the end as he talks about the practice of meditation he suggests taking a single passage of scripture, something really small, and focusing on it throughout the day. "Talk to your soul about it and listen for the Lord to speak." I've really been trying to practice that and this morning the passage that I chose to meditate on for today was 1 Peter 5:7-8. Here's the first part: 

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

This takes practice. And obviously it didn't make me all still and at peace because I ended my day weeping on the phone to my best friend, but sanctification is a process, eh, and I'm not sure that was entirely the point of the passage anyway-peace, that is. Anyway, all day I kept telling Him that I was anxious. I told him I felt like I was going to lose my mind because this baby would NOT stop crying. I told him, "Lord, I know Owen is sick and I pray that instead of making me frustrated, you'll give me patience and compassion." I told him that I was stressed about what a poor housekeeper I was. I told him that I felt like a horrible mom because I was feeling anxious. I felt like a bad wife because I was anxious. I was anxious about being anxious. And so on and so on. In a spiral. A friend of mine once described it as getting stuck in your own head. 

Here's the next part of that passage:

8 be sober minded and watchful. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Kevin and I have had weeks like this before. Months probably. This week it was the perfect storm of him being over-scheduled and me being under-scheduled and both of us being overwhelmed. Our circumstances lead both of us to exhaustion, stress, and poor communication. And what I realized was that in our weakness, we had become easy prey for the enemy who is real and who is actively trying to gain a foothold in our lives. This is a theme that I've written about a number of times in the past and I'm sure the Lord will continue to refine me and teach me about. Pray with me for protection for our family against attacks from the enemy and for health, peace, and rest. 


Pray that I won't just stop at casting my anxieties on him, but that I will cling to the truth that he truly DOES care for me. Really. I'll be honest, it's a lot easier for me to believe it right now, sitting in my quiet house, kids tucked in their beds, limited distractions, another day done, than it might be tomorrow. Pray with me that the devil will not use exhaustion or illness or meetings or whatever else it is to draw us away from the truth that He DOES care for us. If His life, death, and resurrection don't prove that, I'm not sure what could. 

relational energy well spent

Ever since we moved here I've been setting up 3-4 play dates a week in an effort to meet new people, make new friends, and maintain my sanity by getting out of the house with the kiddos. I've mentioned numerous times how wonderful it's been getting to know people and they continue to impress :) Here's a scenario I come across fairly regularly and have recently felt convicted of and have comes to terms with.

I'm chatting with someone. Im really enjoying their company. I'm thinking, "Yeah! This person could really be my friend!" Then, she casually mentions that she's moving to (insert city) to plant a church in (insert months) and my fantasy friendship comes screeching to a halt. I instinctively cross her name off of the potential friend list in my mind because, lets be honest, it's not really worth the effort if she's going to be gone in six months, right?? But, then I started thinking - when is it worth it? I suddenly felt like such a consumer.

Now, we do have to be wise in the way we spend our time. And we should seek out friends that point us toward Christ and fill our cup so to speak. Our church is big and I could spend every day of the week with a different person and end up with relationships a mile wide and an inch deep that would be of no benefit to the kingdom. That's not what I'm supporting. I'm just saying that we shouldn't just write off relationships because people aren't in our 10 year plan and because they appear to offer no immediate benefit to us and it might hurt when they move. We should leave room for the Lord to work. He has placed so many surprising people in my life that I learned amazing things from that I never saw coming. And I'm sure that he used me to teach others in similar ways.

Many people that we meet here in Louisvile came to attend seminary at Southern with hopes to move on and and plant a church or work at a church in the future. It's part of their journey. The difference for them and for me when I was in Middletown is that they know that they probably won't be staying here permanently. When we planted The Oaks in Middletown, we thought we'd be there forever. I'm glad that I didn't know that Middletown wasn't permanent. I think that it would have inhibited me from fully giving myself to people. Our time in Middletown wasn't just a pit stop on our way to Louisville. It was part of our journey that the Lord sovereignly orchestrated. I shudder to think of all of the amazing relationships that I would have missed out on, all the lessons I wouldn't have learned, the conversations I wouldn't have had, if I had known I was moving and decided not to invest the relational capital. I imagine that the seminary lifestyle could be a lonely one where people live detached lives because they know that this is only a season. I pray that it's not and I know that I, personally, will not use that excuse not to get to know you in the future.

Happy Anniversary

Sometimes Anna will ask Kevin or I if she's our best friend. We're always sure to clarify that she's our best buddy. Daddy is mommy's best friend and vice versa. Our marriage was pretty healthy before, but our move to Louisville has only proven to strengthen it more and has grown us deeper. I love going to bed next to this man, and waking up next to him. I am honored to be his wife and blessed to have him as husband. Eight years seems like a long time but at the same time not long at all. I never imagined we'd be here, and I can't wait to see where the Lord takes us together.

Unfortunately, he has a super busy work day today. He left the house at 5:45am and he's going to be out til after 10pm(crazy, right?!?) Pray for your pastor today, people :) So, we won't get to celebrate our anniversary today:( My parents were in town this past weekend, though, and they treated us to a delicious dinner at Doc Crowe's in honor of our big day. Thanks, mom and dad! Kevin and I do have something special planned that we both enjoy. We're going to start a Wes Anderson movie marathon tomorrow night! Now, we just have to decided which one to watch first. hmmmm.

I love you, Kevin. Happy 8th Anniversary!

life these days

I was telling someone the other day that I'm moving into my most favorite stage of parenting yet. I think I'm getting past management and survival and I'm really enjoying my kids. That might sound really bad, but it's just the truth. I have just been loving them these days. I mean, really, really loving them. Like, I just stop and look at them and squeeze them and tell them how much I love them and how great they are. Anna has such an imagination and says the funniest things and has such spirit. She's always pretending and singing with her toys and wants to be such a helper. Owen has starting singing a lot too which is really cute. He isn't walking yet, but he's real close. He took a few steps the other day with Kevin (which I totally missed!) and he's standing on his own.

The next few videos are pretty typical of our kids these days. They're kind of lengthy and not very exciting. If you watch them in full, you're either really bored or really can't get enough of our kids :)

snow day

Kevin got up at 5am today to go teach at Sojourn's Pastor School. While he was out working hard, we got our first real snow in Louisville. Anna watched it all day, exclaiming how beautiful it was, while persistently asking me if and when she could go outside to play. She was SO excited when Kevin got home late in the afternoon, I thought she was going to tackle him at the door. Even though he'd had a really long day and was surely exhausted, he told her he'd take her out once she got her snow gear on. Best daddy ever. I thought she had a hand-me-down snow suit, but I guess not. We squeezed her into her 12month snow pants (she's going to be THREE in a few weeks) and she wore this year's coat and rain boots. It got the job done. She LOVED it. 

 Of course, playing with her best friend was the best part.

 Owen cried at the door when they went out until I dug out his snowsuit - which actually WAS a hand-me-down :) He loved it almost as much as Anna. His little face was SO red by the time they came in, but he was happy as a clam.

All of my favorite people. 

the world seems bigger

I went away to college at Miami University in the fall of 1999. Seems like a million years ago. One other girl from my high school went there. She was three years older and I knew nothing more about her than her name. So, I was pretty much alone. I graduated with 140 people and knew just about everyone in my school. Going away to college with thousands of strangers was an adjustment. I remember that I learned so much about geography (particularly Ohio) that first year away. I rarely met people that were from near my hometown. It was a real treat when I did. You know, those "small world" moments? My world seemed to get exponentially bigger that year, as I learned about all of these places that my new friends came from that I'd never even considered before. Nothing glamorous or exotic. Just places I knew nothing about, like Akron :) haha.

Moving to Louisville has given me a bit of deja vu. The world suddenly seems so much bigger. I noticed this especially with the holidays. My new friends were spread across the country from California to Alabama to Connecticut and beyond,  celebrating Christmas with their relatives back "home". When we were in Middletown, I pretty much assumed that anyone I met was from the area. There were a few exceptions, mostly college students or folks that stayed around after college, but a majority grew up within a 40 minute drive to Middletown. Here, on the other hand, I pretty much assume that people aren't from Louisville. Many are seminary students at Southern or were at some point and ended up sticking around. Others came for a job and some just liked the city. It's really interesting to hear about all of the different places that people grew up and what college they went to. This is the first time that I've had to clarify that I went to Miami of Ohio since I graduated from high school. Kind of crazy.

It still feels strange to walk into church every Sunday and to know only a hand full of people when I'm used to knowing a majority of the room. I'm sure that lots of people have no idea that I'm married to the guy up front. That's weird. Being surrounded by so many strangers, definitely makes the world seem bigger. I thought it would be harder, but it's been so fun getting to know people and I'm especially grateful for all of the women who have invited me over and made an effort to get to know me.

And aside from the people, the city of Louisville itself makes the world seem bigger. There are so many unique restaurants with ethnic cuisine that we're excited to try out. There's also the traffic that is a good reminder that we live in a much larger city, but we're getting used to it :) I'm learning my way around and figuring out the highways. People call them by name instead of number, which took some getting used to, but I think we're catching on. We're excited to continue learning about Louisville and digging in deeper with people. I'm sure it won't seem so big when we look back down the road :)

read this: "Don't Carpe Diem"

Had this article (from Momastery) recommended to me about 4 times before I finally sat down and read it today. It produced the same reaction in me that I had when reading, "Loving The Little Years." The entire time I felt myself nodding along, thinking, "Yes! Exactly! Thank You!"

Here an excerpt. Helpful and encouraging for those with AND without kiddos. I love the conclusion so make sure to check out the full article!

"Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong. 

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that  most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up."

To whet your APPetite

In case you missed the other times I mentioned (er, gushed) about it, my amazing husband bought me an iPad for my birthday/Christmas/anniversary present. It's amazing. I use it so much - almost as much as Anna ;) We've been using the iPad as incentive for Anna to potty train and it's been great! Shes only allowed to play on it when Owen is sleeping or if she's sitting on the potty. Works like a charm :)

I found a great list of educational apps for preschoolers at a blog I follow, which I'd highly recommend checking out. I'll go ahead and share a few more of our favorites for those interested.
Shape Puzzle - probably Anna's favorite right now. Drag and drop pieces. 

Super Why - good alphabet practice, letter tracing, and she really likes the stickers page

Team Umizoomi Math: Zoom into Numbers. Great for counting and number identification. 

Talking Tom - Curry introduced my kiddos to this one. No educational value, just plain entertaining. Owen loves it too :) The cat repeats what you say in a funny voice. 

First Words - drag and drop letters. Good for phonics practice and letter identification. 

And the big kids in our house recommend:

Logos - bible software. I also downloaded a reading plan that links to the text. 

Pandora Radio- stream your favorite music

All Recipes - we upgraded our account and it's totally worth it.  Easy to navigate and super helpful in the kitchen.

Zenbe Lists - I LOVE making lists and checking things off. Use this a lot to keep track of Yarn Republic orders as well as grocery lists and general to-dos. 

pressing in

A few weeks back I found myself in a bit of a funk. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband who immediately noticed and started asking questions to identify what was going on. I didn't feel depressed and I wasn't exactly lonely, I'd been spending time with plenty of people. I mostly felt numb, but I couldn't really explain it.

After much reflection, I think I've identified the culprits. A perfect storm, really - an absence in the word + an absence of deep, intentionally intrusive relationships (aside from my husband, of course). I mentioned a few posts back, that my Bible was MIA. The truth is that it I probably went about two weeks without reading it over the holidays. That took its toll, resulting in a feeling of detachment and general ambivalence. That was amplified by the fact that I didn't have people in my life, really pressing in.

I should clarify, I have LOVED getting to know people here and haven't met a single person that I didn't enjoy spending time with. My time has in no way been filled with surface level conversation, but the reality is that building new friendships from the ground up requires a bit of work. That's all there is to it. There just isn't going to be the level of intimacy and authenticity that you get after spending years developing a relationship with someone. I knew that moving down here and tried to be realistic in my expectations. I gave myself 6-8 weeks to spend time with as many people as possible and in that time begin to identify people that I could really go deeper with.

I was pondering all of this while we were traveling for Christmas and came to the conclusion that it's time to press in. It doesn't matter how well I feel I know someone. I don't have to know where they grew or what college they went to in order to be intentionally intrusive. Having the common bond of Christ makes it possible to cut right past all of that to the most important thing of all. There were a few women that I felt I wanted to pursue being really intentional with and got excited about it. Yesterday, before I was even able to bring it up, one of them asked me if I might be interested in doing more of a formal accountability with her and another woman! Yes, please! God is so good and his timing is perfect. I also had two other really great conversations with other women that left me feeling encouraged, challenged, and filled. Thank you, Lord, for the ways you are continuing to teach me, change me, listen to me, and provide.

I pray that if you don't have these kinds of relationships that you'll take the initiative to seek them out. Get past your fears and push beyond the initial moments of awkwardness. Go deeper with the people you already spend time with. It really does matter and will change your life.                                                       Be intentional. Be vulnerable. Be authentic.

And it's also good to remember that I still have these lovely ladies on the other end of the phone who know me oh so well :) Praise God for that.

New hobbies

Kevin and I are taking up new hobbies for the new year!

I got a sewing machine from my parents for Christmas. I'm really excited to learn how to use it. Crocheting will continue to be my main craft, but there are so many wonderful things that I could do with some basic sewing skills and a machine. Unfortunately, my new machine was too big to fit in the car (what with all of our other Christmas hoopla and travel gear), so it had to stay at my parents house for a few more weeks until they bring it down. That gives me time to do some research and start pinning potential projects :) Suggestions?

Kevin is really excited about learning how to cook. My pride was definitely hurt for a moment when he said that he'd like to take up the cooking duties. Was my cooking really so bad that he had to take on the meal preparation?? In short - yes - but that's not really what prompted the decision for him...he says, anyway ;) Such a good husband.

Louisville has introduced him to some really great food and he's excited to learn how to prepare some yummy dishes for us at home that cost less and are better for us than what we're currently eating. And his other hobbies (photography and mountain biking) aren't a ton of fun in the middle of winter. Of course, if you know Kevin at all you know that he doesn't mess around when it comes to tools of the trade. As a friend of ours says, "Daddy don't do entry level." haha. As part of his Christmas gift, he purchased new pots and pans, some new knives, a deluxe butcher block and a few other things to get started. The shipment arrived yesterday and he was so excited.

He made Southwestern Eggrolls for his first meal and they were delicious! I'm definitely looking forward to reaping the benefits of this hobby!

back in the game

I love the Christmas season, but I'm generally ready for it to be over when January rolls around. I'm ready to reclaim my life from the chaos and busyness that comes with the decorating, parties, baking, and celebrating. This year was especially busy because my business was booming with Christmas orders and I was furiously crocheting just about every night. It was a blessing, but I'm ready for things to slow down and I'll prepare better next year.

I always find it a bit ironic that my spiritual health seems to take a hit during the Christmas season, which is supposed to be centered on Jesus. Even with the best intentions, the pace of life during the month of December so easily carries me away from the Word and my moments of solitude are few and far between. I was getting ready to sit down with my Bible this morning and I couldn't find it anywhere. Now, if that isn't a sign of the state of my life right now, I don't know what is! I did eventually find it as well as my copy of The Valley of Vision. I read some Psalms and then this passage from VoV. A great read for today. And as a side note - go out and get yourself a copy of this little book if you don't have it!

Shortcomings


O Living God, 
I bless thee that I see the worst of my heart as well as the best of it, 
that I can sorrow for those sins that carry me from thee, 
that it is thy deep and dear mercy to threaten punishment so that I may return, pray, live.
My sin is to look on my faults and be discouraged, 
or to look on my good and be puffed up. 
I fall short of thy glory every day by spending hours unprofitably,
by thinking that the things I do are good, 
when they are not done to thy end, 
nor spring from the rules of thy Word.
My sin is to fear what never will be;
I forget to submit to they will, and fail to be quiet there. 
But Scripture teaches me that they active will reveals a steadfast purpose on my behalf, 
and this quiets my soul, 
and makes me love thee.
Keep me always in the understanding that saints mourn more for sin than other men, 
for when they see how great is thy wrath against sin, 
and how Christ's death alone pacifies wrath, 
that makes them mourn more. 
Help me to see that although I am in the wilderness it is not all briars and barrenness. 
I have bread from heaven, streams from the rock, 
light by day, fire by night, 
they dwelling place and thy mercy seat. 
I am sometimes discouraged by the way,
but though winding and trying it is safe and short;
Death dismays me, but my great high priest stands in its waters, 
and will open me a passage,
and beyond is a better country.
While I live let my life be exemplary, 
When I die may my end be peace. 

Amen

Christmas recap

We celebrated Christmas day here in Louisville (ahem, some people have to work on the holidays ;) It was fun to spend the day with the kids and not have to worry about traveling that day. We headed to Zanesville on Monday evening to celebrate with my family and after a few days there we moved on to Cincinnati to celebrate with the Jamisons. It was fun visiting, but we were happy to get back home to Louisville and are looking forward the new year! Here's a photo recap of the holidays. You should be seeing more of me in the blogosphere now that I'm crawling out of the ball of yarn I've been buried under for the past few months! 

Christmas morning...er afternoon (after church) in Louisville

 My two handsome men

 best buddies

 You'll notice that Owen's tongue is out ALL the time. Seriously. hilarious.

 Christmas as Mimi and Pop's house

 playing with Mommy's birthday/Christmas present from daddy. Don't I have the best husband ever?!

 Anna helping Nana make her delicious banana pudding. Anna is a great little helper in the kitchen.

 One of Anna's favorite presents - a box full of dress up clothes! So cute!

 This is where we kept Owen while visiting Nana......just kidding......it DID occupy him and Anna for quite some time though :)

 Anna loves Play Doh. this is very serious business.

 and this series is just so cute. love that little face. so much joy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!